Showing posts with label mad world. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mad world. Show all posts

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Why E-Books Stink

Actually e-books don’t stink, they smell like nothing. Gone is the stale musty scent of times gone by, the faint hint of vanilla and old ink.



You cannot get disgusted at an e-book and hurl it against a wall. There are people walking in the world who will never know the deep satisfaction that comes from slamming the receiver on an old telephone down, or hurling a book against the wall. That is sad.

vintageYou cannot comb garage sales and back alley bookstores seeking some ancient and well-loved copy of a rare e-book, some obscure piece of pulp fiction or a trashy little bundle of sci/fi, covered in dust and yellowing about the edges.

paperbackWith e-books, there’s no reason to leave your home at all.E-books, well they self destruct. They cannot go missing for 40 years in someone’s attic only to be discovered among the cobwebs like some rare and priceless treasure, long hidden in a desert tomb.

You cannot tear the pages out of an e-book. This is an exceedingly cruel situation to find oneself in, especially when the author has done something with a character you do not like. How can I fix it for you, if I cannot tear out your pages and shred them?

You cannot write in the margins of an e-book. How can I possibly correct your grammar and cheap editing if I cannot scribble all over your work? There are things that must be said, notations made, sentences underlined. Who pours indifference over a book and refuses to converse with it? Who does that??!

E-books can die on you right in the middle of the best part! There is nothing worse than being threatened with a low battery right when you are about to get to the crux of the matter.

With a paperback one can always light a candle or get a flashlight when the power goes out. With an e-book, one is compelled to travel for miles just to find a public restroom with an electrical outlet so as to continue the story.

mountainsE-books lack the scars of love, the stretch marks and coffee stains that come from being well-loved and well shared. There are no torn covers, no wrinkles and finger prints that reveal this delicious little book once shared intimacy with others.

There are people who will never catch a whiff of an old cigar, the stale musty scent of times gone by, the faint hint of vanilla and old ink. People who will never know the joy of blowing off the dust, tucking those brittle yellow pages back into their spine, and lovingly caressing your new-found treasure.

That is very sad.

I, however, have known all these things and have inhaled the joy to be found there, devoured the contents within, and when disappointed, hurled the thing at the wall. How do I explain these things to my children and grandchildren, these secret things that are being lost and stolen, these moments they will never understand?

books

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Insanitybytes

When attempting to understand a bass akwards world being run by clowns, being a moron is a definite advantage, wouldn’t you say? Intelligence is not much help when trying to relate to The Stupid. In fact, it gets in the way. Smart people have a tendency to be so consumed with the idolatry of their own intellect, they can miss what is right in front of them. Like a wise man once said, they also tend to think up problems that don’t even exist. Smart people are funny, they can walk face first into trees while pondering the nature of objective reality. Then they’ll be too busy analyzing the humor of the situation to find it funny.

So here’s how being a girl pays off. When it comes to The Stupid, nobody can do it better than women. No matter how intelligent the girl, our capacity to be downright dumb knows no rival. I mean that with the utmost affection and complete delight over the nature of women, of which I am one. There’s no embarrassment here in knowing I am capable of being blind as a bat and downright dumb. In fact, some of the dumbest things I ever did have delivered the most dividends. Child birth for instance. Intelligence is nothing but a matter of perspective.

alices adventuresIn a crazy chaotic world run by evil clowns, insanity can also be a form of self defense. It’s a bit of a paradox,  but being sane in an insane world is well, insane. It’s neither rational nor reasonable to calmly accept what is going on all around you, and if you live on this planet, chances are good you will be surrounded by the crazy. You know who really scares me? People who think they’re sane, which is another paradox, because if you think you’re sane, you probably aren’t. In fact, there’s probably something really wrong with you. Dear Lord, protect us from all the crazy people who think they’re sane…

It’s a mad, mad world, filled with chaos and confusion. Those who think they do good, often do great evil. Those who think they’re evil may well be some of the most morally upright people walking the planet. Smart people are often silent while the dumbest among us always seem to set out to change the world. I don’t get it, I don’t pretend to get it, but I do know that clarity comes when you learn to embrace the crazy and consider the possibility that you may indeed, be a moron.

Somebody prompted, what would you say to an alien visitor who had just landed on this planet? I’d say, “we’re mostly all mad here. Long story involving toadstools, blue potions, and Cheshire cats. Stay away from the rabbit holes. Beware the evil clowns, they run this circus, but the Mad Hatter throws a hellacious tea party. Sorry about the rules, but they’re subject to change without notice.”
cheshire