It
has been suggested that I shouldn’t use the term “real men” because it
is shaming to men. After giving the matter some thought and considering
it from several different perspectives, I have decided to rather
defiantly double down on the term. Apologies in advance if it makes
anyone uncomfortable, but tough luck.
First of all, in theory if one is truly
in Christ, I should not have the power to shame anyone. Anyone who has
laid their pride down at the foot of the cross and received the Blood of
the Lamb should know who and what they are, which is not a wounded bird
full of pride and shame just waiting for someone to cause them offense.
That particular ideology is to be found more within feminism, social
justice warriors, and internet culture at large, and it is a complete
deception. It is an ideology of chronic victimhood where one competes
for offense points. Blech.
If you do not feel like a “real man,”
figure out what that means and become one. Harsh words of tough love
perhaps, but being a “real man” is your rightful inheritance, walk in it
for goodness sakes.
Second
of all, I am surrounded by “real men,” as in they are the majority. It
does not matter if they are standing in line at the food bank, living in
their cars, or off the grid, or hitch hiking across America or disabled
or raising families or becoming fathers to children that aren’t even
theirs, the point is, they are all good and honorable men, “real men,”
if you will. What marks them? I don’t know, kindness perhaps,
authenticity, an awareness of their humanity and the humanity of others?
There are many flawed and imperfect men but they are “real,” as in
their hearts are in the right place.
What is not a “real man?” Throwing over a
liquor store, abandoning children, abusing wives, promoting hatred,
preying on the weak and vulnerable, or attacking random strangers on the
internet with words that would peel paint off the walls. Those things
are “unreal” as in, they fall way short of what it means to be a “real
man.” And yet even in the midst of those human foibles and failures,
there can be forgiveness, redemption, and healing. At any given moment
one can turn things around and walk in one’s rightful path. Yes, your
rightful path, your inheritance, pull it towards yourself and embrace
it. It belongs to you.
If it comforts anyone, there are plenty
of women who have failed at the “real woman” thing, too. This is not a
gender competition here or if it is to be so, we should be competing to
see who can best represent all that is good and golden about the nature
of ourselves, not engaging in a race to the bottom.
There’s
a little secret to shame that perhaps some people don’t know, but when
particular words or ideas make one uncomfortable, there is often
something going on within ourselves, something unresolved, that has made
those words sting. It’s happened to me many, many times. Ouch, over and
over and over again. It doesn’t necessarily make those words wrong or
shaming however, they are keys to what areas and issues we need healing
and strengthening in.
To run around trying to ban words and
ideas that make one uncomfortable is as silly as feminists trying to ban
the word “bossy” because it makes some women feel uncomfortable.
Puh-lease. If we try to rid the world of all offense and conviction, we
will still not be perfect, we will still be uncomfortable, and we will
still fall short.
Using
the term “real men” is not about shaming men at all, it is about
calling them to their higher selves. It is about truly knowing and
seeing your real potential with great love, even when some themselves
cannot see it at all. It would be dishonoring to men as a whole if we
were to all deny the fact that there really is a standard there, an
expectation for them. To whom much is given, much is expected.
So, be real.
