"Real Men"

It has been suggested that I shouldn’t use the term “real men” because it is shaming to men. After giving the matter some thought and considering it from several different perspectives, I have decided to rather defiantly double down on the term. Apologies in advance if it makes anyone uncomfortable, but tough luck.

 First of all, in theory if one is truly in Christ, I should not have the power to shame anyone. Anyone who has laid their pride down at the foot of the cross and received the Blood of the Lamb should know who and what they are, which is not a wounded bird full of pride and shame just waiting for someone to cause them offense. That particular ideology is to be found more within feminism, social justice warriors, and internet culture at large, and it is a complete deception. It is an ideology of chronic victimhood where one competes for offense points. Blech.

If you do not feel like a “real man,” figure out what that means and become one. Harsh words of tough love perhaps, but being a “real man” is your rightful inheritance, walk in it for goodness sakes.

Second of all, I am surrounded by “real men,” as in they are the majority. It does not matter if they are standing in line at the food bank, living in their cars, or off the grid, or hitch hiking across America or disabled or raising families or becoming fathers to children that aren’t even theirs, the point is, they are all good and honorable men, “real men,” if you will. What marks them? I don’t know, kindness perhaps, authenticity, an awareness of their humanity and the humanity of others? There are many flawed and imperfect men but they are “real,” as in their hearts are in the right place.

What is not a “real man?” Throwing over a liquor store, abandoning children, abusing wives, promoting hatred, preying on the weak and vulnerable, or attacking random strangers on the internet with words that would peel paint off the walls. Those things are “unreal” as in, they fall way short of what it means to be a “real man.” And yet even in the midst of those human foibles and failures, there can be forgiveness, redemption, and healing. At any given moment one can turn things around and walk in one’s rightful path. Yes, your rightful path, your inheritance, pull it towards yourself and embrace it. It belongs to you.

If it comforts anyone, there are plenty of women who have failed at the “real woman” thing, too. This is not a gender competition here or if it is to be so, we should be competing to see who can best represent all that is good and golden about the nature of ourselves, not engaging in a race to the bottom.

There’s a little secret to shame that perhaps some people don’t know, but when particular words or ideas make one uncomfortable, there is often something going on within ourselves, something unresolved, that has made those words sting. It’s happened to me many, many times. Ouch, over and over and over again. It doesn’t necessarily make those words wrong or shaming however, they are keys to what areas and issues we need healing and strengthening in.

To run around trying to ban words and ideas that make one uncomfortable is as silly as feminists trying to ban the word “bossy” because it makes some women feel uncomfortable. Puh-lease. If we try to rid the world of all offense and conviction, we will still not be perfect, we will still be uncomfortable, and we will still fall short.

 

Using the term “real men” is not about shaming men at all, it is about calling them to their higher selves. It is about truly knowing and seeing your real potential with great love, even when some themselves cannot see it at all. It would be dishonoring to men as a whole if we were to all deny the fact that there really is a standard there, an expectation for them. To whom much is given, much is expected.

So, be real.