Jaded

   

So jaded

You think that’s where it’s at

But is that where it’s supposed to be….

-Aerosmith

It may not come across on the internet, but I am actually one of the biggest skeptics around, cynical, jaded, downright misanthropic, a big word I learned from Ada over at lovelifeandgod. It means “disliking humankind and avoiding human society.”

     

I am way better than I used to be, in fact, those broken bits have been healed and fused back together, stronger than they were to begin with. It still amuses me however, the contrast between being so skeptical and jaded and yet today being so strongly in faith I can be downright charismatic about it.

     

Someone mentioned I was “too saved,” that I should focus on something other than God, write about a pear. A pear!? But you see, God is in the pear! He is in the grainy texture, in the sweetness of the juice that dribbles down your tongue. God is in the pear seed, He is in the blossoms, in the fruit….as you can see, I am rather hopelessly romantic when it comes to God. What can I say, having a relationship with Him can be a bit like falling in love over and over again, and beginning anew the next day.

     

Falling in love over and over again is actually hard work, it can be exhausting. I wish everyone could be blessed with such suffering…

     

So on being cynical and jaded, when you are reason based and rational and bitter, a choir of angels could descend from the heavens and start singing praises and you would go, “Uh hmm, sure, where are the hidden cameras? Your lighting is all wrong and I think your sound system needs some work. Also, that man behind the curtain, his feet are sticking out…”

     

That’s pride that does that to us, not wanting to be deceived, being pre-emptively defensive, walling ourselves off to the risk of disappointment, to being made to feel foolish.

    

 It’s a bit amusing, but it’s been my experience that God cares nothing for human pride, judging from the way He is so good at relieving us of it frequently. Many times I have thought, “well this is just humiliating” and God has said, “well it wouldn’t be if you weren’t clinging so hard to your pride!” That’s very true, where there is no pride, there can be no shame and humiliation.

     

Recently I’ve been reading some blogs and books about spiritual abuse, about some appalling experiences that people have had with charismatic and narcissistic leadership within churches. Uhg, I cannot imagine anything more offensive, more hurtful, then being betrayed by your spiritual leadership. 

The very nature of faith requires you to have a soft heart, so there you are, open and exposed, right when some yahoo decides to go on a power trip. This stuff makes me angry and these aren’t even my stories.

    

 I believe those who teach and lead really are held to a higher standard. James 3:1 speaks to this, “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation” or “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

     

Woe be unto them who forget who they serve. It’s a bit like wearing a uniform, just as an employer will hunt you down if you get caught on camera doing something wrong with the company logo prominently displayed, I suspect God is not going to be too pleased with those who do cruelty in His name.

    

 In the midst of all this ugliness however, I am reminded that people chose to believe, to take the risk, to seek with an open heart. That opens you up to potential wounding, but it is far, far preferable to walling yourself off, to walking among the jaded as I have so often done. Being cynical and skeptical doesn’t really protect you, it walls you off from the good as well as the bad. You deprive yourself of being able to see truth and beauty.

     

I am really grateful that God has so frequently managed to slip in under the radar and bypass all my skepticism, over and over again. Many times I have been so busy looking for that man behind the curtain, so consumed with seeking the hidden deception, that He has slipped right into my heart when I wasn’t even looking. Very sneaky, but oh so delightful.

     

ColorStorm writes some great posts, lots of scriptural wisdom to be found over there. I really enjoyed the latest, especially his declaration, “I submit that the word of a good man is evidence enough to justify your trust.” It’s such an important thing to remember. We live in a jaded world full of a great deal of skepticism, distrust, and deception, but it’s important to remember to look beyond all that, to keep your heart soft and open and willing to trust. Sometimes it’s painful but the alternative is to be so afraid of that pain that you never really get to live.