The Lost Art of Being a Lady

First let me confess here, I definitely grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and in some dark places, and never concerned myself too much with decorum. Survival yes, decorum not so much.

Okay, so there was one incident where I may even have chewed tobacco on a dare. It was the most hideous thing ever, but it sure did wipe the smirk off of someone’s face and earn me 20 bucks. The dare was simply that girls couldn’t chew tobacco. I settled that, oh yes we can. Why in the heck we would ever want to is another question entirely, but we can.

We can do a lot of things we probably shouldn’t. Just because we can, doesn’t always mean we should. In fact, doing things just because you can is often a bad idea.

So, I really must declare myself to be a self-professed expert on how to be both a lady and not a lady. Also, I simply have to lament the complete decline of western civilization and rant about the sad state of affairs we now find ourselves in. In our quest to promote the idea that girls can do anything, including completely rejecting anything that girls can do, we have really created a monster. Gone is anything that may be considered soft or feminine or heaven forbid, “pink.” Being a lady is apparently something only “old people” do, or so I have been told. Young girls tend to sneer at the very idea.

Yes, yes I know, “don’t judge me,” but I must because it is bad, very bad, out there in The Big World. Girls seem to have forgotten that being a lady is about who and what you are, how you define your own self, what you draw and attract towards yourself. It is really not about being oppressed at all, but rather about being fully empowered.

This was a fairly simple matter to teach my older children some 30 years ago, but the culture has just declined so rapidly that now such efforts fall on deaf ears, leaving me in complete despair over the state of young womanhood.  Oh, woe is me…I play to a rough crowd, indeed.

How rough, you may ask? Oh boy, so rough that we now think nothing of standing on a street corner having a spitting contest, competing to see who can hock up the most disgusting weaponry possible, while taunting passer-bys. It is enough to make me want to snap a few thongs that are so prominently displayed about six inches outside of our clothing.

Girls apparently do not understand older women and the danger that lurks there, the mental instability that can strike at any moment and send one out on a thong snapping tirade. I kid you not, do not be deceived by the meek and mild appearance, the gentle mannerisms that young girls so foolishly try to dismiss as “weakness” in older women. You delude yourselves indeed, having no idea what lurks beneath that soft veneer….. but I digress.

Alas, today femininity seems to be all about being as loud as possible, cursing vehemently, being outrageous and shocking, reveling in the sheer perversion of it all, and presenting the world with a hard and tough exterior as if to say, “don’t even mess with me.” I empathize deeply with those “don’t tread on me” sentiments, however it is far more powerful to hold them on the inside, to keep them incognito, so when you do strike, nobody sees it coming. To advertise how big and bad you actually perceive yourself to be, is simply foolishness. “Keep them guessing and they’ll never see you coming” is a far better approach and sure to gain you a much-needed advantage.

All those pocket knives and spikes and torn and shredded tights, simply scream “bring it on, I dare you!” But please just ask yourselves, what in the world are you demanding people “bring on” and why??

What The World really needs from you is what it has always needed from you, your soft heart, your gentleness, your capacity to empathize with others and to create beauty where none exists. To reflect and multiply the goodness that is within, to shine your light into the world, to transform what is ugly and unappealing and to create something beautiful. That is what women have done for centuries, the gifts we have brought to the world, a rare and fine resource indeed, one that has known its own worth and value so well, it has never felt the need to try to prove itself.

We may well love men or at least find boys to be curious and enchanting creatures indeed, but that does not mean we must suddenly start imitating the very worst of their behavior! This is not a competition, a race to the bottom, you are unique and special and different. It is that very difference that makes you special! Embrace it, accentuate it, celebrate it. Be proud of who and what you are and the job you have been given to do.

Do not envy boys and men for what they can do, because just like you, what they can do is not always what they should do. There is truly nothing particularly clever or desirable about chewing tobacco or spitting great wads of horror out on a public street. Such things take no special talent, nor are they the trappings of the affluent and so-called privileged. Like, hello, to seek what you perceive men to “have” is to fail to know the nature of your own self or the nature of men, and the saddest thing of all is you must erase all that is good and golden about your own self in the process.

Your softness, your sweet and gentle spirit, is what The World has always needed from you and it is what the world still needs from you. It is not an easy job, it is not a job for the faint of heart, it is by far the most challenging thing you will ever do, but for goodness sakes do it! When we do not step into those shoes, when we fail to rise to the occasion, The World gets thrown out of balance, the ugly things remain ugly, your light does not shine, and the hidden beauty does not get seen.

The World seeks to deceive you, The World has always sought to deceive women, to convince us to snuf out our own light, to deny our own femininity, to exchange it for all kinds of cheap imitations, ranging from a piece of fruit to some bizarre notion of sexual empowerfulness. It is a war, a war I tell you, one we did not chose but one we must fight with everything we’ve got. Failure is not an option.

Ask yourself why such a relentless war exists, why such an enemy persists all through time, and then you will come to know your true worth and value, your vital purpose in the world. That is what you must fight for, that is the enemy you must rebel against, and nothing irks him more then a girl with a sweet and gentle spirit, bound and determined to make some ugly things more beautiful.

Quite simply what “ladies” do is walk in the world with a keen awareness of their own worth and value, no easy task I assure you. It is not bold and arrogant, nor is it  narcissistic and entitled, but rather quietly filled with confidence and grace.