"Understanding Toxic Masculinity: Why Defending Men Isn’t Enough"

Interesting article written last year that I rather enjoyed.

“Vast forums host scores of lonely and deranged life drop-outs regularly assembling to rail against The Matriarchy and obsess about sex.”

Yes, yes, we’ve certainly met. Call it a close encounter of the unpleasant kind. The woman who wrote this article refers to them as biter men, I call them the Lost Boys.

I now have a pretty clear understanding of what toxic masculinity is and what it is not. It’s kind of sad, we’re living in a culture that has worked really hard to change gender roles, to redefine the family, to restructure the definition of marriage, and many boys and men are now suffering, completely confused about who and what they are, what their roles are, how they fit into the equation. What it even means to be men anymore.

She says, “This is the essence of “toxic masculinity.” It is emotionally stunted and obsessed with sex and violence. Toxic males seek the thrill of danger and shun responsibility and commitment. Since they lust after women but don’t want to marry or love them, their attitude towards the other sex tends to be offensively objectifying, and can easily turn misogynistic if (as often happens) they experience rejection.”

This is especially sad to me, because misogyny nearly always has it’s roots in self-loathing. It is not really fear of women, it is not really hatred of women, it is deep seated resentment and inability to embrace and love the very nature of your own self. It is generally wrapped in layers and layers of shame and deception.

It’s somewhat amusing, the most common complaint I get is that I don’t empathize with men. It’s amusing because I’ve written dozens of posts paying tribute to fathers, brothers, husbands, marriage, love. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, my entire life is entwined and shaped and formed by relationships with men. Symbiosis. I really cannot pour anymore praise over men than I already do. So, such false accusations are simply foolishness and people’s erratic attempts to confirm their own biases.

She goes on to say, “My experience suggests conservatives are more or less united in seeing healthy masculinity as a positive thing, which we as a society should encourage and foster. That being the case, it should be possible to discuss potentially-toxic strains of masculine culture among ourselves without risk of becoming more generally anti-male.”

Amen. This country really does need to have a discussion on what healthy masculinity is and what it is not. Like many other discussions we need to have as a culture, it is an issue so wrapped in hyperbole and knee jerk emotionalism it is unlikely to ever happen.